How to manage being disappointed in yourself?

I've been learning all year how to better manage dealing with others, and it's allowed me to stop and think about my own life in the process and how to improve myself along the way. The catalyst for this self-improvement was the book How to Win Friends, and Influence People, but the problem I have run into that I can't seem to figure out ways to improve upon is the issue of being disappointed in myself. I really need to improve how I deal with this because currently that feeling more than anything else in my life leaves me feeling like there's no point in getting things done because last time I tried to do so I failed. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts that creates a downward spiral. In theory just doing more work should get me out of my funk, but that's clearly something that is easier said than done.

So given that my self-improvement began with a book, is there any book you guys recommend for this? If not maybe you could just tell me how you manage to deal with the times you are disappointed in yourself and how you get through it.

Start getting into weight lifting TODAY(you'll put it off if you keep waiting) if you haven't already. I used to be a complete beta(not saying you are) most of my life until a couple years ago when I started getting into weight lifting. It took a couple months to go from fat with virtually no muscle to skinny. Now I've been bulking for the last couple of months while on a strength program and I'm happier in my life than I have ever been.

I'd also recommend watching Corey Wayne's videos and his book "How to be a 3% man". It's helped me a ton.

i don't

i have simply accepted the fact that i am a complete and total loser

I've lived my whole life thinking I was shy and awkward. I've always been disappointed in myself, suffered from poor self-esteem. Being overweight literally from birth and for my whole life (not blaming genetics, so don't start, but I've been fat my whole life just saying) hasn't helped at all. Having a family full of educated, successful, elitists, cultured, left-coast New York transplants doesn't help (and the family I would like, the blue collar family from the south, I barely know...).

as I got older, maybe in my 20's, and took a job where I had to deal with people, I gained confidence and accepted my lot in life; I learned to use it to my advantage, lull people into underestimating my character and abilities and then either surprise them or surpass them. Socially, people find it endearing. As for my happiness, I need to "recharge" so I only need to hang out with people once a week and even working with people I like is enough to satisfy that.

But if this rant has a point, it's this: I am in my low-30s right now and I am starting to realize that I am not awkward or shy...I think I just don't like most people. It took me a long long time to realize that the world is a really amazing place populated by amazing things and a few really great people, but for the most part people are just awful. They come, they go, and most are just going to disappoint you. So don't waste time being disappointed in yourself when you should really be disappointed in them. They suck, not you.

Except for you fine folks at Gamespot, you rock :P

I recommend to stay away from self-help books. They're a load of shit. I agree with the dude with the wonky forum karma; work-out. Why do you feel like you need to better manage dealing with others?

https://youtu.be/RoGdMpdZXzs

You might want to look into this self authoring program. Articulating your past, your problems and plans for the future can be really helpful. You're more likely to reach your goal if you articulate a plan. You don't automatically dwell on your past if you articulate it, it's significance and why it was the way it was. Solidifying it that way means you can learn and move on. But don't take it from me. I recommend you listen to this guy.

@SOedipus: @SOedipus: because dealing with the people around me on a daily basis is unavoidable and doing so well is a good skill to have.

No reason to be disappointed. You don't have free will and you'll be dead soon.

Lifting weights isn't a bad idea for anyone given that it's a healthy activity, but I have to say that my situation is not that of looking for love or having low self-esteem. Here's my question, do you life weights to avoid disappointment, or do you do it to deal with disappointment? I'm looking to deal with it, there's nothing wrong with looking to avoid disappointment, much like lifting weights it's healthy to do so, but as long as we are human, disappointment in one's self will ultimately be inevitable. I'm searching for ways to deal with it when it happens, however rare those times are.

While not life changing or anything, that book has also had a big influence in the way I deal with people as well. Use to listen to the audio version of that on the way to work. That and Sun Tze's Art of War. I also attended several management workshops with the Dale Carnegie training but that was later in life and a lot of methodologies I was already familiar with and employed on a daily basis. I think the turning point for me was working couple of months as a camera salesman during my freshman and sophomore year. It taught me some lessons in proactive social approach, patience and listening skills and rewards that comes with successful interactions with another person. Before that I was very much an introvert.

Also, in general, I agree with avoiding self-help books. And yet, if you have ever read HTWFIP, I would be very surprised if you didn't see it as the exception to the rule. There's admittedly two things in the book that I see as incredibly wrong, one dealing with a certain view of people who become bed ridden, and one view of children who wet the bed. Both are wrong because they imply a choice in the matter, but then I remind myself that this was published in 1936. Not exactly height of understanding children or psychosis. The rest is more about management, friendship, and inspiring others along with the repercussions of doing the opposite to try to obtain the same results.

At any rate, I figure if there is a book that is an exception to the rule, then there may be a few others as well.

Honestly, I recommend doing something that you thing you're really crappy at (or in this case, that is the source of your disappointment) - and not just once, but over and over again. This accomplishes three things - it improves your weaknesses so they're less of weaknesses, (in most cases) it makes you realize that you're actually a lot better at them than you imagine them to be, and it opens up other doors that require those skills once you've improved those things/realize you're better at those things than you thought you were.

It provides both an ego boost and a method of improvement,

Aw, Bo!

FWIW, I find the opposite. I like most people, generally along the 80/20 fault. Could be a regional/cultural thing perhaps, or maybe I'm just naive :-P

lol you caught me on a bad day. I Don't really feel that way.

I realised that life isnt about getting what you want because it many times dont turn out the way you expected. I just find comfort that when I'm dead, before I closed my eyes one of the last thoughts i hope would be "i'm glad i tried my very best".

Stop posting things I can relate to :(

I like ShepardCommandr's response. Gotta respect brutal honesty.

My entire adult life has been defined by illness. It's a long story, but essentially I had to place my whole life on hold at 20 to fight a very serious diagnosis. This lasted for 19 years to where I'm at presently. Treatment wasn't the whole time; the thing is it was so traumatic to me that when I was off treatment I was in deep depression (Bipolar II), pretty close to suicidal, and wasn't productive. Then I got pulled back into treatment when I tried to resume my life, then time off, then on, then off. Every time I tried to resume my life my illness would grab me by the ankles and pull me back down. About a year ago I finally threw up my hands and said enough, and have decided to try to live my life despite the consequences to my health. I'm a dead man anyway if I'm existing just to go through treatment at the expense of actually living and discovering life. I'd honestly rather be dead.

It's remarkable I'm even alive, but no one knows what it took and I've nothing to show for it. No degrees to hang on my walls, no houses or cars, no family, no profession, no respect from people. I wallow in self-pity. Not always,but today is one of those days. I shouldn't feel disappointed in myself I suppose, but I compare myself to my peers and what society values. Who doesn't? I can't help it. Most of my family are among the elite.....older brother's a millionaire, sister's in the six figures, father's a well respected scientist. Here I am in my parent's house, now in school with people that could be my children, but I know very little of living a "normal" life. I can't relate to anyone because we've nothing to relate on. I'm picking up where I left off at 20 in career/emotional terms and lifestyle. Nobody that age wants to hang with a middle aged man (neither do I with them because they're blissfully ignorant), and people my age who have families and careers I have nothing in common with. I have nowhere to fit in.

I suppose I deal with self-disappointment through anger and misanthropic tendencies. I hate people, but I realize this is only because I'm projecting. I feel robbed. I'm driven to succeed in school but have passionate hatred for my peers and am incredible resentful towards the healthy, but only the healthy that deem to judge me (who, as I appear very healthy, do so too often). I'm trying to improve myself before it's too late but I don't know if I'm going to make it. The alternative is always there but the last thing I want to do is hurt people.

I need to grow up in many areas, even though I'm very mature and experienced in one specific aspect, that being chronic illness. Truth is, I'd rather have all that experience spread out over a whole life than simply poured into one thing that has largely brought me nothing but misery and sacrifice.

Dealing with disappointment is something that can be dealt with in many ways. For most of us it'll happen things you learn in life through experiences. Everything that seems so big and imposing and important now will gradually seem less so, through the years. And at some point you'll wonder why you let some things obstruct you so much for so long instead of just moving on with life.

For instance: Failure is very common. It's not just you. If you look around you you'll see people failing at doing things all the time. When's the last time you saw someone do something perfectly? No, it's never perfect. There are always things that go 'wrong' even if ultimately it goes very well. But you'll hardly notice it if you're not looking for it, because they don't make a big deal out of it. Right? Win big, lose small. When you get knocked down, you get right back up. Those types of things.

And for me it mostly came with this realization that free will doesn't matter. Whether free will exists or not would not change a thing. Because we'll always try to choose to do what we think is best. Like water falling down it is ultimately 100% predictable behavior. We have a notion of free will but we're going to do what we think is best within our plentiful limitations. No more, no less. And we're very limited and full of imperfections so yes that often results in a mess.

So it follows that, when you get down to it, you are always doing your best. You cannot do more than your best. And you cannot do less, because you wouldn't want to. So stop blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong because you can't help it. It's part of life. And by doing things wrong you'll improve and eventually do some things right. All you can do is do your best and nobody should ever expect more than that from you because that is not fair. It's not possible. Don't expect impossible things from yourself.

That helped me, personally. No books, but a bit of wisdom.

I'm a firm believer that failure does not exist, in most cases its simply that a person has stopped trying. I think that as long as you are trying to achieve something, no matter how small the steps your taking may seem you have not failed but are in the processes of accomplishing your goal.

I'm about to accept that fact as yours soon, maybe.