Am I being too hard on my girlfriend?

Girlfriend for 6 months, she has a few red flags but no dealbreakers and I like her just fine for now but I’m not too attached.

We were sitting around the other day and she semi-jokingly said she wanted to look through my phone. I told her sure, I’ll unlock it and let her…. if she unlocks and allows me to look through hers. I said it’s only fair.

She got very quiet and defensive and said she was only joking and we should move on. Intuition tells me that I don’t need to see her phone to know she’s hiding something.

Friends say the lease is up and it’s time to trade her in for a new model. I told her once that if we broke up, I would have an easier time replacing her than she would replacing me. I’m a one woman at a time guy but I have options and wouldn’t have an issue exercising them.

I’m inclined to move on from her but I’m curious what the socially maladjusted gaming community thinks.

You should do the right thing and tell her to get away from you asap.

At least that's what I'd say if I believed you had a woman in your life.

Good luck.

Yall toxic.

internet answer: she's a horrible woman, you should cut all contact, burn all her things, and out her on all social media as a lying, cheating, -----!

human being answer: you should probably have a normal adult discussion about your concerns and see where it goes.

also, "Friends say the lease is up and it’s time to trade her in for a new model." ooof. that's pretty cringe inducing :P

With that attitude you have options? Anyway, relationships don't mean people give up their privacy.

@GalvatronType_R: Is the concern she might be hiding something from you, or that she is being a hypocrite?

If the former, then if it was me I'd split. If the latter, maybe talk to her about it?

In either case, I think it's pretty childish argument as the subject should not have been broached at all. Privacy is one of the rare luxuries (and rights, maybe?) that doesn't cost anything these days and we are entitled to it.

In the future, if someone asks "hey can I go through your phone" the response should be "No, why would you ask that?" Just because you're a couple doesn't mean you have to give up everything to them.

Yeah referring to your personal relationships like that is pretty gross.

Another one is "why buy the cow when you get the milk for free". I've heard that used when a guy isn't engaged to a woman he has been dating for years. Like, first off, don't refer to a woman as a cow lol. Big mistake. Second, people shouldn't be pressured into marriage like it's a ticking clock. Third, it encourages transactional thinking and I hate that.

You all are a bunch of snowflakes. No one can talk humorously or use colloquialisms without the online outrage police breaking their keyboards.

This is a matter of trust. I didn’t bring up searching phones, she did. I had no issue with her seeing my phone (I have nothing to hide) as long as she extended the same courtesy (quid pro quo, that’s how life works). But her immediate defensiveness has broken trust and it’s time to move on.

There are almost 4 billion women on this planet. I’ll find another. Before anyone gets outraged at that, mens have become disposable to womens via hypergamy (i.e., too short, too fat, doesn’t make enough money, doesn’t dress stylishly, isn’t socially sophisticated, etc.) but that works both ways. It’s equality and it’s only fair.

@GalvatronType_R: 🤣 keep making these incel type posts...it almost feels like im on reddit again. Nobody cares if you have options. If this is real and you suspect her, then move on, though that phone example sounds absolutely dumb as heck. I'm also someone that doesn't get too attached easily, though that's only because I've experienced a ton of rejections in my life. It's made me into a realist, and I just end up brushing things off now.

The only question is, do you like her enough. If not, then move on.

She’ll likely move on from you first so it’ll save you the trouble.

Lmao, the good ol' Uno Reverse card has revealed she's hiding something from you.

Throw her ass to the curb, you can do better than that.

@GalvatronType_R: married now but when I was dating, girls that always ask to look at your phone are red flags. Usually ends up being them screwing around themselves and self conscious about it so they hoping to catch you screwing around.

Your comments comparing woman to trading in cars is cringe.

I dont know why you let us know you broke up once and told her she would have a hard time finding someone better but you wouldn't.. makes you sound like a narcacist. Would have been better off keeping that to yourself

And then you are acting surprised that she's suspecting you fucking around. It's sounds like you ain't lacing in red flags yourself. Like attracts like, as the saying goes.

Lol

It's ok to be insecure. Many relations end over people being insecure like that but relationships end all the time, it's not a big deal. You'll both be fine.

@GalvatronType_R: If she hasn't won you over in 6 months and you are looking for red flags, seeking advice on the internet, etc.. it is time to move on. She is not the one.

My ex was like that with the phone. She also asked/insinuated that I was cheating on her all the time. I never had. She would never let me even hold her phone if she was showing me something. One day she was taking a shower and I noticed the phone was bright, it was upside down on the couch. I checked it, and right there on the screen , didn't have to flip through shit or anything, there was a convo with some dude she met out of town, "love you, can't wait to see you" blabla kinda shit.

TL; DR: Red flag, deal-breaker, ditch her.

@GalvatronType_R: My suggestion is don't make it about your ego, some comments you make, make it seems that you are competing with her.

If you love her and trust her and the same is true from her, continue the relationship, if you don't, find someone you do.

And don't worry about who gets a new couple first or who "wins" the break up. Relationships are about win-win, not about defeating the other person.

You don't love her, and she doesn't seem to be that into you.

I think you know the answer yourself perfectly well.

Relax. From what you've told us, it sounds like you've made her well aware she's punching above her weight. Since she's still with you, her reaction to the news looks to have been nothing but genuine loving appreciation. You have nothing to be paranoid about. :D

Unless... you don't by any chance have money, do you? :/

Getting relationship advice on the internet was, is and always will be a terrible idea.

Saying this... if there's something my 36 years of life taught me was: trust your intuition. Its a more powerful mechanism than we give it credit for. If you feel something isnt right then something really might not be right

I'd get out personally. You mentioned she already had red flags and being defensive for looking at a phone is small potatoes for a long term relationship.

Here's the best thing I've learned: Don't listen to other people's opinions on what social norms should be in a relationship. Everybody's got an opinion and will attack your character when you don't follow their personal status quo, but everyone's different and wants different things in a relationship so generalised blanket relationship standards don't work for everyone. It's your life and your time, so you decide what you want and what's important to you and move on if you don't like it.

As long as you have basic self care and social standards and are a self sufficient adult you're already ahead of the pack so they come to you quite easily. It's never been easier to filter potential relationships than it is today, so pick your prospect and move on if it doesn't fit your lifestyle.

Yet again, I didn’t bring up the phone thing, she did. I was perfectly willing to let her look if I got to see hers, that’s equality. But trust has irretrievably broken and it’s time to move on.

As for the lease thing, my friends said that, not me. Yet again, it’s amazing that you all can’t joke around and say dumb silly stuff among your friends group without clutching your pearls and getting so offended.

As for the moving on thing, getting a replacement isn’t too difficult these days. I can’t help it that I attract the womens, the mens, the small animals, and they all want to get with me, it’s a lifelong curse.

If you feel like someone can be replaced easily then it sounds like there is no real attachment or sincere engagement. It isn't very straightforward to develop that type of bidirectional attachment. I believe it requires commitment and work, work on the relationship and also personal development. There are many evaluations that both people will have to make when experiencing the one step backward two steps forward, and then still arrive at the lucid and sober feeling of being compelled to commit. So, that is not to criticize you, but to convey that when a relationship is developing, and love and attachment are developing, you endure, and you cross thresholds that you haven't experienced before. I believe this requires personal development to meet the moment, because I feel like one isn't automatically adapted to it. And that is why it is special when it happens. One of the reasons love feels significant is because of that personal development, and the witnessing and acknowledgement of the partner's own personal development to meet the relationship and commit to you as well.

Uhhhhhhhh okkk lol

I don't think you're being too harsh. If she wanted to see your stuff on your phone, she should at least be consistent and let you look through her stuff. Bring it up next time you talk to her. Being a good communicator is vital in a relationship. It will build trust. The last thing you want is to have a big fight over it. Talk to her about your concerns. If she throws a fit, that says volumes about how insecure she may be.

It's a miracle.

I finally agree with something you said...Indeed all 3 of your points. I am writing this day down on a post-it note to put on my fridge :)

OK maybe not on the post-it note

When it don't have to do with politics I guess it can happen! ✌️

I realize that most people are the central figures and heroes in their own stories, but you need to know that you're not that guy here. You're not a very good person. I'll just put that on the table from jump.

If you think she's an object to be possessed, a car to be "traded in for the next model"...she really needs to get away from you as soon as possible. You don't respect her and really don't seem to even like her. What's even the point of you being in this relationship at all? It seems we all agree you have narcissist tendencies but the truth is that you're not that special (I assure you, you aren't) and she doesn't need you. And you probably know both of these things.

Start by spending some time doing some self-improvement. Figure out how to be less trash as a human, then how to be a decent partner to the next significant other in your life. Go from there.

@adrian1480: thanks for the laughs. Everyone is an armchair psychiatrist especially on the internet.

I won’t post a ludicrous, too long, un-self aware screed like you did but I will conclude with this: we have both spent about the same number of years on GS yet your post count is 5x more than mine. Over two decades, you average about 63 posts on this site per month to go along with the other sites you likely waste your time and life on. Pathetic.

You really REALLY need to get off the internet, get a life, and accomplish something useful.

Stop worrying. Walk away. You don't need a valid reason. Just be upfront, don't make up crap on the way out, and don't let this make you petty. Looking for a reason, is a reason.

Even if you find the perfect one, and she thinks the same of you, unless you're both involved in horrific accident one of ya gets to watch the other die down the road. Wasting time worry about the perfect ending to a single chapter in your entire book is stupid lol.

@GalvatronType_R: You should still consider his advice.

For my 2 cents don't ditch the relationship if you have 6 months on it. Work on it but if you can't find a amicable solution then end it.